When my 15-year on-again, off-again relationship with my ex-husband and children’s biological father finally ended for good, I decided I needed to know what I was up against. I’d heard the statistics about children raised by single mothers. In fact, I’d used them to justify previous attempts to repair that relationship, you know, “for the kids.”
Ironically, their biological father was a product of a single-mother household himself. The very statistics I was afraid would become a reality for my babies were the ones that had already shaped the man I’d spent years trying to build a life with. The generational cycle I was desperately trying to avoid was already playing out in real time. So I went searching for the data.
The numbers were bleak: Children in single-parent homes face abuse and neglect at higher rates, have higher dropout rates, and an increased likelihood of poverty, substance abuse, and incarceration. Single mothers were seven times more likely to live in poverty.
By the time I read the statistics in black and white, I was already drowning in guilt about failing to give my children the two-parent household I’d had. I didn’t need data to condemn myself or confirm my fears. I went looking for data to help me create a winning strategy.
Higher abuse and neglect rates? Fine. I would only trust family as caregivers. I would install cameras. I couldn’t control everything, but I’d be relentless about that which I could control.
Poverty? I had a master’s degree and some career momentum. But with four kids and one income, I’d need more than credentials. I’d need strategic career moves, ongoing investment in myself, and a clear plan to maximize my income over time. The math wasn’t in my favor, but it was something I could work with.
My process boiled down to these three steps: I faced the weight of the statistics without accepting them as my destiny, I asked God to show me His truth in spite of the numbers, and then I made a plan.
Deuteronomy 28 promised obedience to God means thriving in every area of life - healthy family, successful career, strong community, financial stability, protection, and a reputation that commands respect. Being positioned to lead and provide, not just survive.
These words were spoken to God’s people who’d been wandering in the wilderness 40 years, facing a future they couldn’t see. Statistically, they were doomed.
Human survival in the wilderness without training or preparation is extremely low, most people don’t last more than a few days. But God promised them identity and position above what the odds predict. Their prosperous future wasn’t just for them. It would serve as testimony to other nations of God’s reality and power.
I believed my life could do the same.
How? I acknowledged the statistics, armed myself with the information, then ran it through the filter of the Holy Spirit. I decided what would be true for me, what steps I could take, and let a loving God carry me the rest of the way.
Ultimately, I wasn’t meant to parent solo. Eventually God told me I was meant to be partnered and, a few years later, the most wonderful husband and dad I could have imagined showed up.
My children aren’t a statistic. I am not a statistic.
And neither are you.
Be informed. Be mindful. Use the data to create intention, followed by strategy... but don’t let it write your ending.
What data are you letting define you instead of inform you?
What outcome are you accepting as inevitable that God hasn’t confirmed?
How can you let data serve as information to guide your strategy, not guarantee your destiny?
I love you.
Coi Marie
Affirm: I am proof that God's love is more powerful than any statistics.
