Shortly after starting my freshman year of undergrad, I got a call from one of my best friends from high school. We were as thick as thieves senior year, and we still spoke regularly after she left for school in Ohio. One evening she called and told me she had something to tell me. She told me that she and I could no longer be friends. Who I was and the lifestyle I lived were no longer aligned with hers, now recommitted and devoted to Christ, and she didn't wish to be friends anymore.
I was absolutely destroyed.
I remember my mouth going dry, like it was full of cotton. A knot formed in my stomach, and the backs of my eyes stung like each tear was an angry bee fighting its way to the front.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I'd never felt so judged or so small. My initial despair later turned to anger. Me, not holy enough?! How dare she! I grew up Pentecostal. The only thing more holy than Pentecostals are actual Jews.
But I was also the one driving the night of graduation when we were out until 4am at a party where nothing was legal, including us.
Nearly 30 years later, I can say sometimes it really was me. Sometimes I really am the problem. Sometimes, the devil has used me.
Most of us would never associate ourselves so closely with the enemy. We're good people. We go to church, we serve, we show up for our friends. And still, on any given Tuesday, we'll guilt a coworker into covering for us, flatter someone into a yes they didn't want to give, bend the facts just enough to win the argument at home, or push our kids toward choices that serve our image more than their future. We dress it up by calling it leadership. Or love. Or something we've earned. Meanwhile Satan uses our pride and selfish desire to fuel it all. No one is immune to being used to advance the wrong purpose. That includes me. That includes you.
All the enemy really needs is a good person who wants something badly enough.
In John 10, Jesus says the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, but He came so we could have life in abundance, full to overflowing.
Most of us read that thief as Satan. The enemy who robs us of peace and purpose. That still holds, but allow me to offer another level of context. One chapter earlier, in John 9, Jesus heals a man born blind. The religious leaders interrogate him and throw him out. In response, Jesus turns to those same leaders and teaches about thieves and robbers who also know scripture. Leaders who serve themselves, exploit, and destroy, and sit in the front pew.
Steal, kill, and destroy behavior can sneak up on you. At first, maybe it's just stealing someone's confidence…then their belonging. Maybe you kill the hope and connection that held people together. Maybe you destroy a friendship, a family, your own community.
I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end. I also know I've been the instrument. I've corrected people in ways that left them smaller. I've used manipulation to convince others to give me what I wanted. I've enjoyed the spoils of ill-gotten gains, even thanking God for them.
That's really hard to admit.
We warn one another that ‘the devil is busy,’ then manipulate and exploit to serve ourselves. Somewhere along the way, we become the very enemy we’re all watching for.
So I'm learning not to stop with just examining my why. The how and the outcome get equal billing now. How am I doing it? What method am I using? What is it producing? Who is it really serving?
If my intention sounds holy but my method is manipulative, and the fruit feeds me at someone else's expense, the thief got what he came for…and he used my hands to get it.
Jesus came to bring life, full and overflowing, so the measure of whether God is using me is whether things grow where I've been.
You can love God and still be used against His purpose. You can be sincere and still cause harm. Admitting that is how your fruit starts to change.
I wonder…
- When have you encouraged someone toward a choice that worked better for you than it did for them, even if you didn't recognize it at the time?
- What was your goal, fear, or desire in that moment?
- When have you felt you needed to leave a place or person behind to pursue God because the temptation there was too great? What made it so appealing? And what was the fruit?
I love you.
Coi Marie
Affirmation
I want what I want, and I go after it with clean hands. I check my why, my how, and who it serves and hurts. I refuse to manipulate, exploit, or deceive to get my way.
If you know someone who may appreciate this perspective, please share this link with them. See you on Sunday.
