A while back, I had a mid-year review at work. From the moment I scheduled it, I started wondering what feedback I'd be given. I wondered what they’d say I needed to improve. I wondered if the growth areas were dealbreakers, or things I could easily work on? My head was spinning with possibilities about what my supervisor might offer for improvement.
My rational mind knew this was absurd. I mean, I had given feedback as a leader. It was usually based on something that had already been discussed, and came from a place of coaching a colleague to potential versus criticizing where they were currently. Yet, I wouldn't allow myself to see it that way for me. I wanted to know what I was doing wrong, so I could fix it immediately. And I’d beat myself up about it until I was whipped into shape.
Fortunately, life isn't that simple. And God has found a much more effective way of bringing us home to ourselves with gentle and insightful feedback that doesn't involve tearing us down in the process. But, sadly, self-critique had become part of my process; it was one of the practices I had to thank for what others attributed to my high standards and unique skill set.
And I'd perfected the process. First, I strive for a perfect outcome. Then, I achieve it, or come as close as possible. And then, when it's over, I mercilessly critique it.
When it comes to my work, I have a reputation for being first to name what went wrong with what has gone right. While everyone else is celebrating, I'm curating a laundry list of things I'd do differently next time.
It's as if the near-perfect outcome doesn't matter, because, in my world, that result is a given. I mean, it's me we're talking about. Of course it was well-executed - I take my overachievement seriously ;-) As a result, all my attention goes to what could improve, what could be better, what wasn't good enough.
And having grown accustomed to that voice from myself, I brace for the same from everyone else. Just knowing feedback is coming can send me into a tailspin of fear and anxiety, and waiting for the other shoe to fall. Although feedback is meant to be helpful, somewhere along the way, I had allowed feedback to become a setback.
Then I went back to the first performance review ever recorded.
In Genesis 1, God speaks light into being, and then He looks at it. His first word about His own work is good. He does it again with the land and the seas, the plants, the sun and moon and stars, the creatures of the water and the sky, the animals of the field.
Make.
Look.
Good.
Six times, and every time, the first word out of His mouth is good.
Then He makes us, looks at us, and upgrades the review to very good.
Many scholars read the Hebrew word there, tov, as something working the way it was designed to work. “Good” meant purposeful. And in Genesis 2, on the seventh day, He rests in what He made. No revision notes. No Creation 2.0.
I realized that every time I refuse to call my work good, I'm quietly disagreeing with God. He looked at me and said very good, and I keep handing Him corrections.
And that line, it's me we're talking about? Read it again. I take my excellence for granted so my flaws can get all the airtime.
And the bracing for feedback impact? I've been putting my harshest voice in everyone else's mouth. Including His. And let's be real honest…He doesn't need me to speak for Him.
You're allowed to want excellence. Wanting to grow is holy work. As is wanting to succeed and be great at what you’re here to do. And you're allowed to still feel the tailspin. Your nervous system didn't learn this overnight, and your shoulders don't have to drop on command. God called you good before you ever internalized the story whose narrator says you're not good enough.
So because feedback is a natural, healthy, and frequent part of our experience on this earth, I’ve taught myself to do what God did. When I finish something, I look at it, and my first word is good.
I say it out loud if I'm feeling particularly critical of myself. I write down what went right before I let myself write a single thing I'd change. Now when someone gives me feedback, I listen for ways it will serve me versus what it says about me.
I wonder…
- If you let something you made simply be good, what would you have to stop believing about yourself?
- When did you first learn to brace for criticism? Whom did the criticism from, and what did it teach you about feedback?
- God's first word over you was very good. What do you allow from you or others around you by refusing to agree with Him?
I love you.
Coi Marie
Affirmations
I look at what I made and I call it good. My work is good. My effort is good. I am very good, because God said so.
Feedback is information. I receive it with an open hand and a steady body.
If you know someone who may appreciate this perspective, please share this link with them. See you on Sunday.
